corexdyslexia

A rose by any other name...

2004-03-21T16:58:06Z

Guys, Im moving to my dad's. I just met the most beautiful girl in the world, and I think she likes me. She lives on our block, and Ive spent the last twenty hours with her. I didnt believe in all that soulmate shit until now...http://www.arches.uga.edu/~dpopov/kissy.jpg

Semi-formal dress is optional

2004-02-19T03:26:07Z

Rather than a questionaire:

Be it short, long, negative, positive (and Im not talking about what your thinking, you pervert!) just tell me anything you think, or have thought about me since Ive known you. Anything goes as long as it falls under one condition: You must post it like youre not telling me...like your telling someone who asks, "Whats that nick animal like?"

If animals got tattoo's, what would they be of?

2004-02-13T04:03:17Z

pick a number between one and three.

"A Dreadful Fate"

2003-10-10T02:32:26Z

If Physical Fitness were a school subject, Jack would have failed. Seeing as physical fitness is a school subject he did fail. He ran the slowest of miles, jumped the lowest jumps, and when concerning the sit and reach, sat only on couches and reached merely for a remote. However, while flexibility seemed to elude his physique it lay superfluously in his appetite. No food was safe from the gut of the "Buffet Juggernaut", as his peers deemed him. Jack’s health was headed for a downward spiral faster than an extremely bad analogy involving something that spirals downward at a high velocity (see “plane”). Or so it would seem had it not been for one fateful day…
“Today’s forecast will be sunny with a chance of fate. Winds will range from…”
Jack silenced the radio with a graceful slap. He didn’t pay much attention to the weather forecast seeing as he had his mind filled with the thought of but one thing: Breakfast. He ran down the stairs, which from our perspective appears as a pathetic attempt at a fast-paced walk, and plopped at the kitchen table. The usual suspects welcomed him: A tower of pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs, bagels, etc. but, upon closer examination Jack noticed something out of the ordinary: a small fairy.
The fairy spoke calmly, “I am here to help you Jack. For if you do not change you ways of gluttony a dire fate is certain.” The fairy sat on the mountain of flapjacks and continued, “The first step to controlling your dietary problem lies in your train of thought. If we can merely direct your thoughts away from food, we can easily solve your…”
Jack snatched the fairy up in one hand and starred at it with a look only the deepest of thought may impress. After several moments of pondering Jack made a stunningly intelligent observation, “ I can’t eat you.” Immediately after, he tossed the fairy aside and began to close in on his well-balanced prey.
The fairy once again distracted jack, “Fine. If you won’t listen I shall bestow the vision of your dreadful fate upon you!” The fairy spread a glimmering dust on the pancakes as Jack dug his fork in for the first bite. “Eat, Jack, and tonight you will see what is to become of you.” With this the fairy, along with any thought of the preceding anathema that may have haunted Jack, vanished. Jack devoured his meal as usual.
That night, Jack lay down to go to bed. He was just about to drift off when he recollected the fairy and her warning. This thought, however, was short-lived and chased from the subliminal only to be replaced with the image of a doughnut. Jack took up the task of apprehending the delectable fiend. He reached for the pastry, and it rolled away. He reached again; it rolled faster. Soon Jack was in hot pursuit of the doughnut. He whipped around bends and corners, passing without notice of his surroundings, in hopes of soon capturing the mouth-watering morsel.
Without warning, the doughnut stopped. Jack hastily scooped up the doughnut. He held his prize high in the air as if to admire its beauty before he must destroy it. As he lowered it to his lips, a dissonant utter from the familiar fairy broke in: “I warned you…” The doughnut had won over its predator- Jack was now in the middle of the street, or better yet, the headlights of an oncoming truck. The force of the blow tore Jack’s arm clearly off and sent him skidding across the pavement. The fairy’s words took a vicious tone, “Look what your ways have cost you!” Jack wearily looked at where his prize-holding arm was merely seconds before. He screamed, “ MY DOUGHNUT!”
Jack awoke in a cold sweat. With a slight tremble of terror, he rustled under his sheets and produced a half eaten doughnut. Jack murmured, “You’re ok! It was just a dream!” He then sighed and finished his snack before retiring once again.
Unbeknownst to Jack, the fairy hovered close by observing his reaction. Upon accepting her failure to right Jack’s unhealthy ways she quit being a fairy and decided to become a lawyer. She is currently defending Jack’s doughnut who allegedly was the snack that caused Jack to cross the fatal line from “a hefty boy” to “morbidly obese”.
A former gnome, representing the deceased (Jack), expects a sentence no less than that of Lethal cream or jelly injection. However, due to the nature of this particular case, the verdict may be of a less severe degree and result in a mere “Being left out of the box over night and becoming stale.” (A dreadful fate.)

Finally, Something Serious to Write about...

2003-08-15T14:23:35Z

Well, as we all know, Vietnamese currency is known as the “Dong”. The following are excerpts from a document concerning Vietnam's current currency crisis.(and alliteration)

"The Vietnamese Dong is Not Sufficiently Convertible for Market Economy Status. The Government of Vietnam and VASEP assert in their October 2, 2002 submissions that the Vietnamese dong is sufficiently convertible for market economy status, but their claims are incorrect, based on optimistic projections of future compliance with international standards, or simply misleading.”

“Petitioners have previously discussed extensively the significant shortcomings in Vietnam’s currency (Dong) regime”

”First, contrary to the GOV’s claim, the State Bank of Vietnam (SBV) is not an independent central bank... analyzed... functions... manipulate... volume and composition of... fiscal.”

(Editor’s Note: If you found any of the above words between the omitted sections funny, you are a pervert.)

”[T]he head of the SBV’s foreign exchange department stated in August 2002 that “Vietnam’s hard-currency strapped (Dong) economy is still very much dependent on exports and foreign...See Akin Gump... Willkie...”

"... and any longer-term growth in FDI is conditional, at least in part, on future, yet unrealized Vietnamese government action to further reform the economy to make it more attractive to foreign investor...”

(Fun Fact: I once heard John Browne has the ability to reform his “economy” in order to make it more attractive to foreign investors.)

”He insisted that “[t]he central bank at least must have its full power in matters related to draining back or pumping more dong...”
(A typical male thing to do)

”Rather, these recent statements by senior SBV officials make it clear that, despite laws that the GOV claims establish the independence of the SBV, Central Bank Sits Firm on Dollar-Dong Trading Band...”
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ten things Id love to do in Vietnam: (in a tuxedo)

1. Whip out my Dong and stick it in a bank.
2. Bet my Dong on a cock fight.
3. Become Dongless
4. Tell someone to “Put their Dong where their mouth is”.
5. Throw my Dong at a homeless man.
6. Give my Dong to a charitable cause
7. Ask a lady for some Dong.
8. Get a Vietnamese band to cover, “Were in the Money” and call it, “Were in the Dong.”
9. Give my waiter a Dong tip.
10. Id just like to take this number to explain that numbers four, seven, and eight are nearly impossible due to the facts that Vietnam speaks Vietnamese (But I hear they think in English) and, sadly, does not listen to Keith Ingham's Manhattan Swingtet.

FIN

Claude

2003-08-13T10:17:44Z

This is a crappy sketch I started writing twelve minutes ago. Thats right,Six o'clock may have a great deal to do with the degree of crappiness.Or it may be my lack of comedic talent. You decide.

A scientist is seen working hastily in a dimly lit laboratory. He is mixing test tubes of various chemicals over an open flame. A door handle jiggles at the right side of the room. The scientist, after shooting a shocked look toward the disturbance, turns off his burner and quickly dives under the lab table.

Scientist 2: *opens door* Claude, are you in here? Claude?
Claude: (From under lab table) No.
Scientist 2: CLAUDE!
Claude: Sorry. No, Sir.
Scientist 2: *Pounds on lab table* Get out from under there right now!
Claude: I would, sir, but...
Scientist 2: BUT WHAT!?
Claude: Nothing personal, sir, but I’m not here.
Scientist 2: *Sighs* I suppose I’ll have to continue the experiment without your assistance.
Claude: I suppose.
Scientist 2: *raises brow* Tell me. How are we communicating without you being present?
Claude: *silence*
Scientist 2: AHA! I’ve proven you wrong. Now you can stop with this game and help me...
Claude: *makes telephone ringing noise*
Scientist 2: Claude!
Claude: Hello, sir, I’m afraid I won’t be able to assist you tonight.
Scientist 2: And why is that!?
Claude: Cause I’m not here...err...there...er...GOOD BYE, SIR! *makes “hang up” clicking noise*
Scientist 2: *sighs heavily. Turns on burner and grabs for tube filled with clear liquid* CLAUDE!
*Silence*
Scientist 2: What happened to the solution I was mixing!?
Claude: I don’t know, Sir!
Scientist 2: You do too! This test tube I’m holding here is FILLED WITH WATER and YOU DID IT!
Claude: No, sir! I WASN’T HERE!
Scientist 2: Then how did you manage to write this!? *Tears note from test tube*
Claude: Well, that could have been anyone. I think it kind of irrational to balme me right off the ba...
Scientist 2: It says: NOT WATER. From, NOT CLAUDE!
Claude: *slowly crawls out from under table* Well, Good evening, sir! It turns out I can help tonight after all!
Scientist 2: *Smashes test tube and storms out of lab* IM NOT HERE!

FIN

THE STORY

2003-08-02T19:00:37Z

Heres the deal: You add on to the story that I begin, or Ill kill ya.

Once apon a time there was a deaf blind midget with lepracy. His name was HOLYSHITHESUGLY! due to the fact that the first words uttered by his mother when she first lay eyes on him were: "Holy shit hes ugly!"
Now, as in most stories, our protagonist soon encoutered a conflict. He was out of butter. oh, and the world was being held ransom by ninjas with bad ass attitudes...

*You take it from here*

LJCWI #1

2003-07-19T03:21:55Z

Irony is a plethoric factor in the equation of life- And I think its funny. So Ive decided to start a little observational I like to call, "Live Journal Cool Wicked Irony".
Todays victim is Denythetruth. Now, for those of you who do not personally know this user: some of the quotes from her journal may not seem ironic or funny. However, some have universal appeal(and I just plain dont give a lumpkin)

:: Denythetruth says: "... But I gave it cause I didn't want to seem really bitchy. Ya know..."

Bob Sagat says: "Yeah, WE KNOW..." ::

:: Denythetruth says: "...I kept laughing of course cause I rarely allow my true feelings to show. I like to uphold my "Ashley is always happy and nothing bothers her" reputation..."

Bob Sagat says: "I kept laughing of course cause I rarely can't recall a time when Ashley ever had an "Ashley is always happy and nothing bothers her" reputation." ::

:: Denythetruth says: "I've finally decided that being bulemic is not worth my time."

Surgeon General says: "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!" ::

:: Denythetruth says: " °NOTICE°
I would like to point out that I think the word "wicked" is the dumbest adjective ever. Especially when used in front of another adjective. (i.e. "cool"). To all my fellow lj users, please refrain from using the word "wicked" in your journal entries or I may shoot myself. Thank you."

Most readers say: Who the fuck says cool-wicked? ::

Well there you have it folks! Look foreword to seeing more LIVEJOURNAL COOL-WICKED IRONY!

1967

2003-07-05T04:19:13Z

"social psychologist Stanley Milgram sent packages to several hundred randomly selected people in America's Midwest, with the aim of getting them delivered to target people in Boston. Each recipient was given some details about the target, such as their name and profession, and was asked to send the package to a personal acquaintance whom they believed was more likely to know the target personally. Milgram discovered that on average the packages reached their targets after passing through astonishingly short chains, typically comprising just six people."
(http://www.fortunecity.com/emachines/e11/86/sixdeg.html)

Id like to do a little study of the "six degrees of separation" theory myself. I plan to send several nude photos to random civilians with a little note that says: Give this to Robin Williams.I always wanted him to autograph my (M Night Shyamalan)
Seriously, I am going to find a random livejournal user and go to their friends and see if I can eventually find someone I know. Anyone, who reads this is welcome to give it a try. Post some results or...dont.

MY MISSION

2003-07-03T04:07:19Z

Im gonna go post on random journals.

Anyone else feel the same?

2003-07-01T03:55:20Z

I realized something about this whole journal thing: Its kinda lame. Most people just post about how theyre depressed or just give the typical daily break-down (e.g. Today I woke up, did something, did something, did something, now Im posting this.) Im not saying Im immmune from all of this. Hell, I havent written anything interesting ever. I just wish there were more people out there who posted something cool like: My dog died today after I parachuted off marlin brando's ass.
Its the internet! just make up something interesting if nothing really happened.

ONLY $9.75!!!

2003-06-05T02:05:26Z

Why waste your time writing down your meaningless thoughts and tedious moments in your exsistance...WHEN YOU CAN HIRE SOMEONE TO DO IT FOR YOU!?
Thats right, folks, N inc. will write a journal entry for just about anything; Good day? Bad day? Death of loved one/pet? Coming out of the closet? Birthday? Coming out of the closet on your birthday ultimately causing your pet/loved one to die?(see good day)
Just leave me a subject and Ill cover it like mace on mike tyson!*

*dramatization(physically impossible to cover that many topics that often)

corexdyslexia @ 2003-06-03T23:23:00

2003-06-04T03:13:07Z

KNOCK KNOCK.